It's 9:40am and my wife has yet to sleep, and my sleep was highly fragmented thanks to her efforts to clean and organize a lot of our stuff. We're both going to be dragging when we go to my "next day" appointment later this afternoon. My pain has been out of control and, despite all of knowledge and self education, I have no idea how I'm going to convince my PCP that I'm in need of additional help.
While I both sympathize and empathize with the uncomfortable position that my PCP is in, I NEED him to help me until (unless) he van get me an intrathecal pump management physician, PM, and/or palliative care specialist.
I'm mainly asking for an increase and change in form of my clonidine (1mg pill 2/day --> clonidine patch 3mg/day), but he and I both know that my current dose of fentanyl patches has been inadequate for YEARS and he always gets uncomfortable whenever I mention poor pain control. He knows that I need to be back on low dose methadone and Actiq. My pain is getting worse and the dose of medication that's always been inadequate is extremely inadequate (even without the effects of tolerance).
Honestly, I'm extremely depressed and unsure of why I'm still fighting to live.
Sorry for the depressing post, I just needed to vent.