I spent a few hours volunteering at the local animal shelter yesterday. I WAY over did it yesterday, and now the nerves in my legs are on fire. I can practically trace the nerves because they're so inflamed. I missed our weekly outing with our daughter (museums, historical society, hikes, parks, carnival, Army war college, etcetera) this morning. This afternoon, I didn't get to go to the animal shelter (my wife still went and helped for two hours). And now, I'm missing out on going out with some of the people at the shelter (my wife got both of us invited while I slept and she volunteered).
I'm not sure which is more frustrating
1) constant, unrelenting pain
2) inconceivable BTP (breakthrough pain) flares
3) missing out on everything (family stuff, social stuff)
4) NO ONE gets it
I think the worst part of this is that none of this is necessary! I'm in pain for no legitimate reason. My pain was under control (bad, but under control) with low dose methadone, Actiq, Duragesic, and oxymorphone. My pain was virtually eliminated with 3mg/day intrathecal morphine. I feel like the one sane person in a world of crazy. I feel like I'm screaming and no one is listening. I'm in excruciating pain, there's medication that can fix it, I'm insured, my insurance will cover Duragesic, Actiq, methadone, oxymorphone, AND an intrathecal pump, I have NO risk factors (including NO family history) for abuse, I don't smoke, I don't drink, I've never abused my medication, I've never been high, I have cancer, I'm dying, I've never run out of meds or needed an early refill, I've tried EVERY non-drug treatment recommended, I've tried every non-opioid, I've tried every single weaker opioid, I'm beyond compliant, I keep myself informed (as instructed, although it's being used against me now)... and, STILL, I'm treated like shit and get inadequate treatment.
How does this make any sense to anyone?
Steve
